Day 11: Moz is grumpy

Well, that was a bit exciting. June and I are not getting on very well, so earlier today when she hassled me yet again I told her to fuck off. Which caused her major trauma.

I started the day in a mood where I needed to have some time by myself but I hadn't been able to get it, or really made the effort to articulate that need. I was grumpy yesterday because of that but pretty much sat on it, and decided I would try to take off from Maryborough a day before the rest so I could chill out by myself. But instead this happened, so now I've had to deal with a meeting where we-the-group try to use a group process to work out why I can't deal with groups of people very well. I end up in tears, but hopefully managed to communicate that time out is no more optional to me than food or sleep. June is cranky because apparently I make her feel inadequate or something for being old and frail. So she's responded by niggling at me and trying to make me feel bad.

My problems seem to start with articulating my needs clearly, and a lot of the time just with feeling that I have a right to tell other people what those needs are. I got a lot of intense pressure to be social when I was growing up, so I have particular problems sometimes with telling people that I need space. But not other times, because when I'm ok I am quite aware that I need to be unsocial... but when I really need that I often can't tell people. Which is a bit of a bugger. So I went through the meeting process kinda willingly, even though it was painful, but I am getting better at it... a more articulate inarticulate person :)

I ended up talking with Ev out under my fly while the girls talked stuff through inside. But that was very late, we started with another very late dinner, then faffed around, then started the meeting about 8pm. So I didn't get much sleep.


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